幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話大全
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話大全
冷笑話是近幾年新興的一種語(yǔ)言現(xiàn)象,它輕松詼諧、別具一格,給我們緊張的生活增添了幾分輕松的情趣,它一出現(xiàn)便受到了大多數(shù)人的喜愛(ài)。學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理了幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎閱讀!
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：誰(shuí)都沒(méi)空
I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in theshed. She could see from the bedroom window.
那天晚上，我剛要上床睡覺(jué)，妻子告訴我說(shuō)我沒(méi)有關(guān)儲(chǔ)藏室的燈，她從臥室的窗戶看見(jiàn)那還亮著。
As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned thepolice, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would sendsomeone over as soon as they were available.
我也透過(guò)窗戶朝那邊看，發(fā)現(xiàn)有幾個(gè)人正在偷東西。我趕忙報(bào)警，但是警察局說(shuō)現(xiàn)在沒(méi)有警察在我家的這片位置，他們一有了人手就馬上派過(guò)來(lái)。
I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just calledyou a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry aboutthem now cause I've shot them all."
我說(shuō)沒(méi)問(wèn)題，然后掛了電話，等了一分鐘，又給他們打過(guò)去：“警察局嗎，一分鐘以前我打過(guò)電話來(lái)，我告訴你說(shuō)有人正在我家的儲(chǔ)藏室偷東西。但是現(xiàn)在沒(méi)事了，因?yàn)槲覄倓傞_(kāi)槍把他們都打死了。”
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit,the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thoughtyou said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
隨后，五分鐘之內(nèi)有六輛警車來(lái)到了我家，警報(bào)也響了。當(dāng)然，他們當(dāng)場(chǎng)抓住了竊賊。有個(gè)警察對(duì)我說(shuō)：“我記得你說(shuō)你把他們都打死了。”我回答道：“我記得你說(shuō)現(xiàn)在誰(shuí)都沒(méi)空。”
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：誰(shuí)都沒(méi)空
I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in theshed. She could see from the bedroom window.
那天晚上，我剛要上床睡覺(jué)，妻子告訴我說(shuō)我沒(méi)有關(guān)儲(chǔ)藏室的燈，她從臥室的窗戶看見(jiàn)那還亮著。
As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned thepolice, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would sendsomeone over as soon as they were available.
我也透過(guò)窗戶朝那邊看，發(fā)現(xiàn)有幾個(gè)人正在偷東西。我趕忙報(bào)警，但是警察局說(shuō)現(xiàn)在沒(méi)有警察在我家的這片位置，他們一有了人手就馬上派過(guò)來(lái)。
I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just calledyou a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry aboutthem now cause I've shot them all."
我說(shuō)沒(méi)問(wèn)題，然后掛了電話，等了一分鐘，又給他們打過(guò)去：“警察局嗎，一分鐘以前我打過(guò)電話來(lái)，我告訴你說(shuō)有人正在我家的儲(chǔ)藏室偷東西。但是現(xiàn)在沒(méi)事了，因?yàn)槲覄倓傞_(kāi)槍把他們都打死了。”
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit,the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thoughtyou said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
隨后，五分鐘之內(nèi)有六輛警車來(lái)到了我家，警報(bào)也響了。當(dāng)然，他們當(dāng)場(chǎng)抓住了竊賊。有個(gè)警察對(duì)我說(shuō)：“我記得你說(shuō)你把他們都打死了。”我回答道：“我記得你說(shuō)現(xiàn)在誰(shuí)都沒(méi)空。”
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：開(kāi)業(yè)大吉
A new business was opening ... and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers forthe occasion.
新公司開(kāi)業(yè)了，開(kāi)業(yè)典禮上，經(jīng)理的一個(gè)朋友送他一個(gè)花籃。
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
經(jīng)理高聲朗讀著花籃上的賀卡：“安息吧。”
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
經(jīng)理生氣極了，打電話找來(lái)賣花的人要質(zhì)問(wèn)他是怎么回事。
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this:somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ..
花店老板來(lái)了，看到這個(gè)明顯的錯(cuò)誤和經(jīng)理氣急敗壞的樣子，他說(shuō)：“我真得很抱歉。但是與其這么生氣，你倒不如這樣想：有另外一個(gè)地方，今天要舉辦一個(gè)葬禮，他們將會(huì)收到一個(gè)花籃，
'Congratulations on your new location!'"
留言條上寫著‘恭喜你有了新的歸屬!’”
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：晨起反應(yīng)
The neighbor dropped in on a friendand found her sitting at the kitchen table,staring blankly ata half-empty cup of coffee,her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.
一個(gè)鄰居順道去拜訪自己的一位朋友，發(fā)現(xiàn)她正呆坐在廚房的桌子旁，眼睛茫然地盯著已經(jīng)喝了一半的咖啡，她的三個(gè)孩子正在隔壁的房間里大聲地喧嘩。
"What's wrong ?" she asked.The friend told her that she had "morning sickness".
“怎么了?”她問(wèn)。朋友告訴她自己不過(guò)是有點(diǎn)“晨起反應(yīng)”。
Surprised the neighbor said,"I didn't even know you were pregnant."
鄰居非常吃驚，說(shuō)，“我甚至都不知道你又懷孕了!
"I'm not." the harried young woman replied."I'm just sick of mornings."
“哦，我沒(méi)有懷孕，”年輕的婦人苦惱地回答，“我只是膩煩透了早上而已!”
幽默爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：現(xiàn)代騎士精神
Sitting in his cab waiting for a fare, my friend's husband, William,watched as a torrential downpour left lake-size puddlesjust off the curb of the busy street.
我朋友的丈夫William(是一名出租車司機(jī))，此時(shí)正坐在車?yán)锏戎幻櫩透跺X，同時(shí)，看著傾盆而下的大雨在那條忙碌的街道邊上留下一些猶如湖一般大小的水洼。
Then the back door opened and a customer got in.
這時(shí)，車的后座門開(kāi)了，一位顧客鉆了進(jìn)來(lái)。
As William asked the destination,the would-be passenger exited through the other door,successfully avoiding the puddles.
當(dāng)William問(wèn)她要到哪時(shí)，這名準(zhǔn)乘客從車的另一扇門下去了，成功地躲開(kāi)了那些水洼。
"Thanks,"; she said. "Chivalry isn't dead after all."
“謝謝”，女乘客說(shuō)。“看來(lái)騎士精神畢竟還沒(méi)有死”。
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