英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)笑話
英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)笑話
冷笑話是一種新興的語(yǔ)言現(xiàn)象,也是一種出現(xiàn)在我們身邊的不可忽視的新的語(yǔ)言現(xiàn)象。冷笑話不同于一般笑話,它以其獨(dú)特的制笑機(jī)制,能瞬間創(chuàng)造出一種特殊的氛圍。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編精心收集的英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)笑話，希望大家喜歡!
英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)笑話篇一
Two brothers, Herbert and James, lived with their mother and a cat name Edgar.
"Edgar is dead," Herbert answered.
James was particularly attached to the cat, and when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbert meticulous instructions about the pet's care. At the end of his first day away, James telephoned his brother. "How is Edgar?" he asked.
There was a pause. Then James said: "Herbert, you are insensitive. You know how close I was to Edgar-you should have broken the news to me slowly. When I asked about Edgar tonight, you should have said Edgar's on the roof, but you've called the fire department to get him down. And tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firemen were having trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would succeed. Then when I called the third time, you could have told me that the firemen had done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen off the roof and was at the veterinarian's. then when I called the last time, you could have said that although everything possible had been done for Edgar, he had died. That's the way a sensitive man would have told me about Edgar, and, oh, before I forget," James added, "How is mother?"
"Uh," Herbert said, pausing for a moment, "She is on the roof."
郝伯特和詹姆斯兄弟二人一起生活，家中有一老母并養(yǎng)了一只貓叫埃德加。
詹姆斯特別喜歡這只貓。有一次他要外出幾天，臨行前不厭其煩地囑咐郝伯特照顧好這只寵物。出門后的頭一天晚上，他打來(lái)電話詢問(wèn)：“埃德加好嗎?”
“它死了，”郝伯格回答。
一陣沉默之后，詹姆斯說(shuō)：“郝伯特，你太不善解人意了，你知道我與埃德加的關(guān)系有多么好——你應(yīng)該慢慢告訴我這驚人的消息。當(dāng)我問(wèn)起埃德加今晚怎樣時(shí)，你應(yīng)該說(shuō)埃德加爬上了屋頂，但是你已經(jīng)叫消防的救它下來(lái)。’我明天又給你打電話時(shí)，你應(yīng)該說(shuō)消防隊(duì)營(yíng)救埃德加遇到了麻煩，但你相信他們會(huì)成功。在我第三天給你打電話時(shí)，你可以說(shuō)消防隊(duì)員已盡了最大努力，但很不幸，埃德加從屋頂上掉了下來(lái)，現(xiàn)在正在獸醫(yī)那里。在我最后一次給你打電話詢問(wèn)，你可以說(shuō)盡管對(duì)埃德加做了一切所能做的努力，它還是死了。這是顧及別人感情的人應(yīng)該說(shuō)的。哦，對(duì)了，我剛才忘了問(wèn)你，”詹姆斯補(bǔ)充道，“媽媽怎么樣了?”
“哦……”一陣沉默后郝伯特答道，“她上了屋頂。”
英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)笑話篇二
Sam was near the end of his long life. His children stood by the bed, and they were waiting to hear his last words.
Finally, he said, "My children, your mother and I have been married for more than 50 years-and she can cook wonderfully. Even now I smell bread baking. Sarah, be good and go and get me a piece."
In a few minutes Sarah was back in the room. "Sarah," her father asked. "Where's the bread I asked you to get?" Mama says you can't have any, it's for the funeral tomorrow."
山姆的生命即將走到盡頭，他的子女們都站在床邊等著聽父親的遺言。
最后他開口說(shuō)道：“孩子們，你們的母親和我結(jié)婚50多年了，他的烹飪手藝簡(jiǎn)直棒極了。現(xiàn)在我還能聞到烤面包的香味呢。薩拉，去給我拿一片吧。”
幾分鐘后，薩拉回到屋里，“薩拉，” 父親問(wèn)，“我讓你拿的面包呢?”“媽媽說(shuō)不能吃，這是為明天的葬禮準(zhǔn)備的。”
英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)笑話篇三
Joe Schmidt, although very wealthy, was a tightwad.
One day he and his wife wanted to take a spin in an airplane over the city of New York.
The pilot said it would be 10 dollars a piece for a thirty-minute flight. "How about 10 dollars for both of us?" the stingy millionaire asked, "No way!" replied the pilot firmly. Schmidt pleaded earnestly with the pilot for quite a while. Since it was a slow day and there were not many customers, the pilot finally agreed. "Ok, I will take you and your wife for ten bucks on one condition: while in the air, you cannot make any noise. If I hear a peep out of you, that will cost you 20 dollars." Schmidt agreed reluctantly.
The plane took off without a hitch. Purposely, the pilot made somersaults(筋斗) and all kinds of tricks, just to scare the guy, when the plane finally landed, the pilot askedcredulously: "I have got to hand it to you. I didn't know how you managed to be so quiet. " "It's wasn't easy," confessed the tightwad. "I almost hollered(叫喊，抱怨) when my wife fell out."
喬·施密特雖然非常富有，卻是個(gè)不折不扣的吝嗇鬼。
一天，他和妻子打算乘飛機(jī)俯瞰全紐約。
飛行員每次飛行30分鐘，每人10美元。吝嗇鬼問(wèn)道：“我們兩個(gè)人10美元怎么樣?”“不行!”飛行員斬釘截鐵地回答道。施密特哀求了好一會(huì)兒。飛行員看當(dāng)天生意不好，乘客也少，最終同意了他的請(qǐng)求。“好吧，你和你太太總共10美元，但條件是，在空中你們不能發(fā)出任何聲音，如果我聽見了你們當(dāng)中有人出聲，那就得付20美元了。”施密特不情愿的答應(yīng)了。
飛機(jī)順利起飛了，飛機(jī)駕駛員在空中翻跟斗，做出各種花樣故意嚇唬施密特。飛機(jī)著陸后，飛行員不解地問(wèn)道，：“你真是太厲害了，你怎么能一直保持安靜呢?”“其實(shí)要做到這點(diǎn)真的很難，當(dāng)我老婆掉下飛機(jī)時(shí)，我差點(diǎn)就喊出來(lái)了。”這個(gè)吝嗇鬼坦言道。
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