經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的一些關(guān)于have用法總結(jié)，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　Put your feet in

　　The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

　　把腳放進(jìn)去

　　一個(gè)女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴(yán)厲地叫她。“什么事，老師?”這女學(xué)生問(wèn)。“把口香糖從嘴里拿出來(lái)，把腳放進(jìn)去。”

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.

　　'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'

　　'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.

　　瑪麗非常討厭丈夫吸煙，一天對(duì)他抱怨說(shuō)：“我希望有一天所有卷煙廠都失火。”

　　“不用擔(dān)心，親愛(ài)的，所有的煙卷遲早都會(huì)點(diǎn)著的。”他笑著說(shuō)。

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　Give up your seat to a lady

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　　給女士讓座

　　小強(qiáng)尼說(shuō)：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時(shí)，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”

　　媽媽說(shuō)：“你做得很對(duì)呀。”

　　“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的。”

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　Give up your seat to a lady

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　　給女士讓座

　　小強(qiáng)尼說(shuō)：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時(shí)，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”

　　媽媽說(shuō)：“你做得很對(duì)呀。”

　　“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的。”

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　Five Months Older

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

　　"How old are you?" he said.

　　"Eighteen, sir," said John.

　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

　　大五個(gè)月

　　第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開(kāi)始了，約翰想?yún)④姡伤挥惺鶜q，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說(shuō)他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

　　可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆](méi)幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。

　　“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問(wèn)。

　　“十八，長(zhǎng)官。”約翰說(shuō)。

　　“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

　　約翰臉紅了，說(shuō)：“哦，不是，長(zhǎng)官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月。”

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　I would practice perseverance more often,

　　and never give up a thing If we want light, we must conquer darkness.

　　Perseverance can sometimes equal genius in its results.

　　“There are only two creatures," syas a proverb,

　　“who can surmount the pyramids-the eagle and the snail."

　　If I were a boy again, I would school myself into a habit of attention;

　　I would let nothing come between me and the subject in hand.

　　I would remember that a good skater never tries to skate in two directions at once.

　　The habit of attention becomes part of our life, if we begain early enough.

　　I often hear grown up people say " I could not fix my attention on the sermon or book,a

　　although I wished to do so" , and the reason is, the habit was not formed in youth.

　　If I were to live my life over again, I would pay more attention to the cultivation of the memory.

　　I would strengthen that faculty by every possible means, and on every possible occasion.

　　It takes a little hard work at first to remember things accurately;

　　but memory soon helps itself, and gives very little trouble.

　　It only needs early cultivation to become a power.

　　If I were a boy again

　　假如我又回到了童年，我做事要更有毅力，決不因?yàn)槭虑槠D難或者麻煩而撒手不干，我們要光明，就得征服黑暗。

　　毅力在效果上有時(shí)能同天才相比。俗話說(shuō)：“能登上金字塔的生物，只有兩種——鷹和蝸牛。”

　　假如我又回到了童年，我就要養(yǎng)成專心致志的習(xí)慣;有事在手，就決不讓任何東西讓我分心。

　　我要牢記：優(yōu)秀的滑冰手從不試圖同時(shí)滑向兩個(gè)不同的方向。

　　如果及早養(yǎng)成這種專心致志的習(xí)慣，它將成為我們生命的一部分。

　　我常聽(tīng)成年人說(shuō)：“雖然我希望能集中注意力聽(tīng)牧師講道理或讀書，但往往做不到。”

　　而原因就是年輕時(shí)沒(méi)有養(yǎng)成這種習(xí)慣。

　　假如我現(xiàn)在能重新開(kāi)始我的生命，我就要更注意記憶力的培養(yǎng)。

　　我要采取一切可能的辦法，并且在一切可能的場(chǎng)合，增強(qiáng)記憶力。

　　要正確無(wú)誤地記住一些東西，在開(kāi)始階段的確要作出一番小小的努力;

　　但要不了多久，記憶力本身就會(huì)起作用，使記憶成為輕而易舉的事，只需及早培養(yǎng)，記憶自會(huì)成為一種才能。

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　An American, a Japanese, a Chinese expedition in the jungle. The results were captured by tribal cannibalism. Can be tribal chiefs, said: "I'm in a good mood today, do not eat you, but you have to pay one hundred board, but you can endure before the board to have a desire to achieve." Board is the first Americans to pay. He said: "before the board to pay, give me a seat bottom cushions." Pad stop, board-like falling rain; 合previous 70 boards, 70 boards were smashed after the cushion, and then is finished ... ...Antiaris , the United States left behind the old feeling. After seeing this, the Japanese asked the mattress 10. 1,2,3 ... 100 over, the Japanese rose,, all right; then the Zhang imitation of their capacity and ability to brag about a re-creation, and would like to sit while watching the show the Chinese people. Chinese people get on the ground slowly, carefree carefree said: "Come on, give me the Japanese mat."

　　一個(gè)美國(guó)人、一個(gè)日本人、一個(gè)中國(guó)人在叢林探險(xiǎn)。結(jié)果全被吃人部落抓去了。可部落酋長(zhǎng)說(shuō)："我今天心情好，不吃你們，但你們都得挨一百板子，但在挨板子前你們可以有一個(gè)愿望實(shí)現(xiàn)。”先挨板子的是美國(guó)人。他說(shuō)："挨板子前，先給我屁股墊上1個(gè)坐墊。”墊罷，板子雨點(diǎn)般落下;先前70板還湊合，70板之后坐墊被打爛，然后就是板板見(jiàn)血……打完，美國(guó)老摸著屁股走了。日本人見(jiàn)狀后，要求10個(gè)床墊。1、2、3…100打完，日本人起身，拍拍屁股，沒(méi)事;然后張著臭嘴對(duì)自己的模仿能力和再創(chuàng)造能力吹噓一番，并想坐一邊看中國(guó)人的好戲。中國(guó)人慢慢趴下，悠哉悠哉地說(shuō)："來(lái)，把日本人給我墊上。”

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語(yǔ)笑話：沒(méi)想到那么貴

　　A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

　　一個(gè)小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時(shí)候被當(dāng)場(chǎng)擒獲。“聽(tīng)著，”小偷說(shuō)，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當(dāng)什么也沒(méi)發(fā)生，你看怎樣?”經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說(shuō)道：“這比我最初的預(yù)算稍稍高了一點(diǎn)，你們還有沒(méi)有便宜一點(diǎn)兒東西。”