經(jīng)典國(guó)外幽默故事閱讀

　　笑話是一種增強(qiáng)快樂的文化，常常以篇幅短小，故事情節(jié)簡(jiǎn)單，文筆巧妙的形式出現(xiàn)，給人以出乎意料，并且取得笑意的藝術(shù)效果的文化。在忙碌的生活，我們也需要偶爾的放松一下自己。下面學(xué)習(xí)啦小編為大家?guī)?lái)國(guó)外經(jīng)典幽默故事三則，希望大家喜歡!

　　國(guó)外經(jīng)典幽默故事：三個(gè)修道士

　　There were three pious monks. These monks were so pious，in fact，that the head abbot decided one day to reward their devotion by granting them each one day of sin，on the condition that they confess their activities to him at the end of the day.

　　有三個(gè)虔誠(chéng)的修道士，他們非常的虔誠(chéng)，以至于修道院院長(zhǎng)決定，在他們?cè)敢饨淮惶斓乃魉鶠榈臈l件下，允許他們每個(gè)人犯一回戒，以示對(duì)他們虔誠(chéng)的獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)。

　　So，the day come，and the three monks went off into the night to indulge in all manner of sin.

　　所以，當(dāng)這天夜色來(lái)臨的時(shí)候三個(gè)修道土就趁著夜色下山去犯戒去了。

　　The first monk sauntered in at 1:00 in the morning, and tried to sneak upstairs to bed. But the head abbot，who was waiting up for the three，stopped him and demanded that he relate his doings.

　　第一個(gè)修道士在凌晨一點(diǎn)的時(shí)候悄悄地回來(lái)了，他想偷偷的上樓睡覺去，但是正在等待三人的院長(zhǎng)叫住了他，問他都干了什么。

　　"No, head abbot，”the first monk said，"it’s too evil for me to admit!”

　　“沒干什么，院長(zhǎng)”，第一個(gè)修道士說(shuō)，“對(duì)于我來(lái)說(shuō)那太壞了，我不能說(shuō)出來(lái)!”

　　"'The deal was for you to tell me everything you did，otherwise you will not receive absolution!” said the abbot.

　　“說(shuō)好的，你告訴我所有你千的事情，否則不能免你的罪!”院長(zhǎng)說(shuō)。

　　So the first monk agreed to tell what he did. "I-I-I drank! And I did all manner of drugs! And 1 smoked marijuana, cocaine and. . .”

　　第一個(gè)修道士就同意說(shuō)出他干了什么。“我，我，我喝酒了!我吸了各種各樣的毒品!我吸了大麻、可卡因、還有……”

　　"Enough!”said the head abbot，enraged. "Those are evil sins, but I promised to forgive you. Go out back，drink some Holy Water, say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”

　　“夠了!”院長(zhǎng)生氣地說(shuō)，“那些太罪過(guò)了，但是我曾許諾原諒你，回去喝一些圣水，然后祈禱，早上就會(huì)被原諒的。”

　　The first monk thankfully went off to follow the abbot’s instructions.

　　第一個(gè)修道士感激地走了，他去按照院長(zhǎng)的指示去做了。

　　The second monk wandered in at 2:00 AM. "What did you do last night?" demanded the head abbot.

　　第二個(gè)修道士在凌晨?jī)牲c(diǎn)的時(shí)候回來(lái)。“你昨晚做了什么?”院長(zhǎng)問。

　　"I can’t say! It's much too evil!”

　　“我不能說(shuō)!那太罪惡了!”

　　"The agreement was that you must tell me everything you did!”

　　“我們說(shuō)好的，你必須告訴我!”

　　"Okay，”agreed the second monk." I had all kinds of meat. l had port，beef ,chicken，horse,and even a dog...”

　　“好吧”，第二個(gè)修道士說(shuō)，“我吃了各種各樣的肉。有豬肉、牛肉、雞肉、馬肉、甚至還吃了狗肉……”

　　Enough!” cried the head abbot. "That is a truly great sin. But I promised to give you absolution. Go out back and drink some Holy Water. “Then say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”

　　“夠了!”院長(zhǎng)大叫道:“那真是太罪過(guò)了。但是我曾許諾原諒你?；厝ズ纫恍┦ニ?，然后祈禱，早上就會(huì)被原諒的。”

　　The second monk sauntered off to do just that.

　　第二個(gè)修道士按照院長(zhǎng)所說(shuō)的去做了。

　　And the third and final monk crawled in at 3:00 in the morning.

　　第三個(gè)修道士最終在凌晨三點(diǎn)的時(shí)候回來(lái)了。

　　"What ," asked the head abbot, "did you do this evening?"

　　院長(zhǎng)問:“你昨晚干了什么?”

　　"No, head abbot, it's too great a sin to admit. I cannot tell!"

　　“不，院長(zhǎng)，那太罪惡了，我不能說(shuō)!”

　　"The agreement, monk! You must tell me!"

　　“修道士，別忘了我們事先說(shuō)好的。你必須告訴我!”

　　The third monk bowed his head and nodded. "All right, head abbot. Last night I…I…"

　　第三個(gè)修道士低下他的頭說(shuō):“好吧院長(zhǎng)，我說(shuō)，昨天晚上我，我……”

　　"Yes?"

　　“怎么樣了?”

　　"I pissed in the Holy Water."

　　“我在圣水里撒了尿!”

　　國(guó)外經(jīng)典幽默故事：狂人馬丁

　　Once upon a time，this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

　　很久以前，一個(gè)名叫佛瑞德的人覺得自己足夠兇悍和強(qiáng)壯，所以決定去美國(guó)西部蠻荒地區(qū)闖蕩。

　　So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and tough he was，and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up fights and didn’t skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job，but he should remember one thing: “lf you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town,just save what you can，put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of town as fast as you can.”

　　佛瑞德來(lái)到了西部邊境一個(gè)小鎮(zhèn)的酒吧里做了一名酒吧招待，很快他就證明了他的強(qiáng)悍與兇狠。當(dāng)酒吧老板看到他分開酒吧里打架的人們，并且很少揩油，就很高

　　興地告訴佛瑞德他做的不錯(cuò)，但是一定要記住一件事:“如果你聽說(shuō)有傳言狂人馬丁要來(lái)到小鎮(zhèn)，你要把能收好的東西收好，在柜臺(tái)上放一瓶‘赤珠’雞尾酒，然后盡快地離開小鎮(zhèn)。”

　　Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation. He was told that Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills and only came to town once or twice a year. However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale. Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it.

　　佛瑞德對(duì)這些話感到非常困惑，努力想知道為什么要這樣之后，他被告知這個(gè)狂人馬丁是住在山里的一個(gè)巨人，他每年要有一次或兩次到山下的小鎮(zhèn)來(lái)。當(dāng)然，馬

　　丁是他們所聽到過(guò)的最危險(xiǎn)的人。幾乎沒有人能見到馬丁后活著回來(lái)講有關(guān)于馬丁的故事。佛瑞德雖然聽得很認(rèn)真，但是很快他就忘了這些。

　　Until，one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed, yelling, "Martin's coming. Head for the hills I” The result was incredible. Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn’t believe he could be all that tough. So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.

　　直到幾個(gè)月以后的一天，一個(gè)牛仔騎著馬全速地穿過(guò)小鎮(zhèn)大聲喊著:“馬丁來(lái)了!快到山上去!”這喊聲后果真是不可思議。小鎮(zhèn)里的每個(gè)人迅速地騎上他們的馬逃到山上去了。只剩下了佛瑞德，他想看看這個(gè)家伙到底什么樣子，因?yàn)樗静恍潘心敲纯膳隆Ｋ诠衽_(tái)上放了一瓶“赤珠”雞尾酒以后，就躲在柜臺(tái)后面等著。

　　He didn’t wait long. Soon there was a noise in the street. As Fred looked out a hole in the wall，he saw this huge, mean-looking guy ride down the center of the street on the biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen. The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head and bellowed, "Wait here till I get back!”

　　他沒等多久就聽到了街上的聲音。當(dāng)他從墻上的洞向外看時(shí)，他看到一個(gè)身材高大，長(zhǎng)相丑陋的家伙騎著一頭佛瑞德從來(lái)沒見過(guò)的大野牛從街中間走來(lái)。那個(gè)家伙騎著野牛在酒吧門前停了下來(lái)，從那野牛身上下來(lái)時(shí)候還打了一下它的頭說(shuō):“在這兒等著我回來(lái)!”

　　The fellow turned and walked up the steps. Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. He tied them both to a post and kicked them sound1y, hollering, "You pussycats stay here till I'm done !”The cats fearfully sat down.

　　那個(gè)家伙轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身走了進(jìn)來(lái)。佛瑞德看到他還牽著兩只巨大的山獅，他把它們拴栓到一個(gè)柱子上踢了一腳大聲叫道:“你們這些小貓?jiān)谶@兒等我!”它們就乖乖地坐了。

　　Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed. Wiith two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eve, bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp. Poor Fred，thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper. The guy looked down over the bar and roared，"Who the hell do you think you’re looking at!?”

　　那個(gè)家伙走進(jìn)酒吧，踢倒了大門。兩步就走到了柜臺(tái)前并把那瓶酒仰起脖子一口氣喝完了?？蓱z的佛瑞德現(xiàn)在可害怕了，他不小心出了一點(diǎn)小聲。那個(gè)家伙向下

　　一看然后大吼:“你到底知不知道你在看著的是誰(shuí)?!”

　　Fred managed to say，"N…n…n… nothing, mister. Do you want another bottle of Red Eye? "

　　佛瑞德嚇得說(shuō):“沒……沒什么事!大人!你想再來(lái)一杯嗎?”

　　To which the fellow replied，"Hell no! I don’t have time! 1 got to get out of here - -Mad Martin’s coming!"

　　那個(gè)家伙回答道:“當(dāng)然不要!我沒有時(shí)間了!我得離開這里，你不知道么?狂人馬丁來(lái)了!”

　　國(guó)外經(jīng)典幽默故事：一只勇敢的豬

　　我小時(shí)候住在華盛頓，爸爸常常帶著我們到南部的卡羅萊納州去度周末，在那里我們看到了“真正的生活”是什么樣子。爸爸會(huì)沿路開著車，然后把車停到路邊的農(nóng)場(chǎng)去和那里的人聊天。

　　I lived in DC when I was young，and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He'd just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.

　　爸爸和一個(gè)農(nóng)婦聊天的時(shí)候我發(fā)現(xiàn)了這只豬……

　　Dad was chatting up a farmer's wife once，when I discovered this pig. . .

　　它是一只漂亮的豬。但是它只有三條腿。右后腿是木頭做的!我對(duì)這個(gè)很好奇，于是就問那個(gè)農(nóng)民:

　　It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well、I was as curious as could he，so I asked the farmer:

　　“先生，為什么你的豬有一只木頭腿?”

　　"Excuse me. sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?”

　　“是這樣的，孩子。這是一只勇敢的豬。一天深夜當(dāng)我和妻子在房里睡覺的時(shí)候，這只豬跑進(jìn)來(lái)把我們都叫醒。我們這才發(fā)現(xiàn)是著火了。我們因此得以生還。”

　　"Well, boy. What is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night，when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive.”

　　“這只豬的腿是在著火的時(shí)候被燒壞的嗎?”

　　"And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"

　　“不是，它完好地跑了出去。事實(shí)上，它還沖進(jìn)火場(chǎng)救了我們的孩子。”

　　"Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids.”

　　“那么這只豬為什么會(huì)有只木頭腿呢?”

　　“Then why does the pig have a wooden 1eg?”

　　“我告訴你了，孩子。那是一只勇敢的豬!一只英雄豬!是它救了我們?nèi)业拿?”

　　“I told you，boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!”

　　“是的，先生。但是為什么它有只木頭腿呢?”

　　"Yes，sir. But why does he have a wooden leg?"

　　“孩子，像這樣的一只豬我們是舍不得一次把它全部吃掉的!”

　　"Boy, a pig like that，you don’t eat all in one sitting!”