小學(xué)生英語幽默笑話大全

　　Double Entendre at Play(英漢對(duì)照)

　　"Madam," said the irate conductor to a totally incompetent woman cellist during rehearsal, "you have between your legs an instrument that could give pleasure to thousands…and all you seem able to do is scratch it."

　　Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.Her pale lips moved. "Jake," she said.

　　"Hush," he quickly interrupted, "don't talk."

　　But she insisted. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I must confess."

　　"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Jake.

　　"It's all right. Everything's all right."

　　"No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you."

　　Jake stroked her hand. "Now, Becky, don't be concerned. I know all about it," he sobbed. "Why else would I poison you?"

　　一個(gè)妻子的臨終懺悔

　　臨終的Becky躺在床上，他的丈夫Jake守在她的旁邊，握著她冰涼的手，淚流滿面。

　　她蒼白的嘴唇翕動(dòng)著，“Jake,”她說。

　　“安靜，”他快速地打斷她,“別說話。”

　　但是她堅(jiān)持，“Jake,”她用疲憊的聲音說，“我不能不說話。我必須懺悔。”

　　“沒有什么可懺悔的。”痛苦的Jake說。

　　“沒關(guān)系。一切都很好。”

　　不，不。我必須在平靜中死去。我必須懺悔，Jack,那就是我一直對(duì)你不忠。”

　　Jack撫摸著她的手說。“現(xiàn)在，Becky,別擔(dān)心。我已經(jīng)知道一切了。”他嗚咽著，“要不我干嘛毒死你。”

　　An Old Couple's Quarrel(英漢對(duì)照)

　　A couple of codgers got into a quarrel and came before the local magistrate. The loser, turning to his opponent in a combative frame of mind, cried: "I'll law you to the Circuit Court."

　　"I'm willing," said the other.

　　"I'll law you to the Supreme Court."

　　"I'll be there."

　　"And I'll law the hell!"

　　"My attorney will be there," was the calm reply.

　　老夫妻吵架

　　一對(duì)性情乖僻的老夫妻發(fā)生了爭(zhēng)吵，一直鬧到地方法官那里。敗訴的一方以一種臨戰(zhàn)的姿態(tài)沖著對(duì)方嚷道：“我要到巡回法庭去告你。”

　　“愿意奉陪。”另一個(gè)說。

　　“我要到最高法院去告你。”

　　“我也陪你。”

　　“我還要到地獄去告你。”

　　“我的代理人會(huì)奉陪的。”對(duì)方平靜的說。

　　Camera(英漢對(duì)照)

　　On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"

　　"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it."

　　照 相 機(jī)

　　在前往威蒙特參加一個(gè)婚禮的路上，我和丈夫意識(shí)到我們忘了帶照相機(jī)。我們?cè)谝患野儇浬痰觊T前停了下來，希望能夠買到一種便宜的，一次性照相機(jī)。薩爾問店主：“你們有那種用了就扔的照相機(jī)嗎?”

　　“我說，小伙子，”店主回答說，“我可不管你買了之后怎么處理它。”

　　Keep the Change(英漢對(duì)照)

　　Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

　　I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a bill. "Keep the change," he said.

　　零錢不用找了

　　在教堂的義賣市上賣舊書時(shí)，我與一名準(zhǔn)備買東西的顧客發(fā)生了一場(chǎng)爭(zhēng)論。他對(duì)購買袖珍奧金.納什集頗感興趣，但是說它要三十五美分開價(jià)過高。其它的平裝書每本才賣十或十五美分。

　　我指出這本書保存狀況頗好，納什是個(gè)有趣的詩人，這個(gè)要價(jià)是合理的。他說這是個(gè)原則問題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價(jià)格將這本書賣給他。他得意洋洋，拿出一張十美元的票子付帳。“零錢不用找了。”他說。

　　Good News And Bad News(英漢對(duì)照)
　　"There's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.

　　"I could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "What's it?"

　　"Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."

　　"And the bad news?"

　　"After the divorce, she's marrying your father."

　　好消息和壞消息

　　“有好消息，也有壞消息，”離婚律師告訴他的當(dāng)事人。

　　“我總能利用一些好消息吧，”當(dāng)事人吧了口氣說，“是什么好消息?”

　　“你妻子沒有要求將你未來的繼承財(cái)產(chǎn)也劃入裁決的范圍。”

　　“那么壞消息呢?”

　　“離婚以后，她將與你父親結(jié)婚。”